I’m trying to put words to a euphoria I’ve been feeling and known for a long time. Here’s something I KNOW:
There is so much power in the way Jesus uses prayer.
I think often the phrase “there is power in prayer” confuses us. My beautiful Maddie and I talked about this last night. It’s not that our praying will ever “convince” The God of the universe to “change His mind” or “heal someone” any differently than is already according to His plan and control– but our decision to converse with Him, to listen to Him, and to be a part of what His Spirit is always doing– as my dear friend Ani’s mom just quoted, not grasping Him every day but every moment– we become more attuned with what He’s doing not just in us, but everywhere. It’s amazing because He is.
And so, at my amazing Bible study this past week, I asked for some prayer for the way I live regarding putting my identity in the quantity of things I’m able to take on. I haven’t been very in tune with it, but for whatever reason, I feel some sense of satisfaction when I’m doing all sorts of things at once. And I know this is not good.
For example, I am very excited to be starting some work for a new job as a freelance writer for a software startup. As soon as I started working on a piece for it, I was overwhelmed with feeling like there were fifty other things I “should” be doing simultaneously, rather than devoting 100% of my attention to the article that deserved my 100% attention. I breathed, stepped back, and prayed. And was able to focus on the task in front of me.
This is a conviction I have everywhere. 100% committing to and being present in the area I’m called to in that moment. Expectant that God may do something off book– but not with my heart and mind elsewhere. Also not committing to too many avenues whilst knowing I can’t pursue them in the manner they deserve.
Also knowing that pride is in the way when a part of me thinks I need to be in something, a part of something, in order for it to work. Only Jesus can, and He will.
So this morning, when I slept until 11:30 because I was exhausted, and voices of guilt tried to keep in, I silenced them in the name of Jesus, and focused on what kept me smiling all day: the fact that it is my best friend Daniella’s birthday today.
This beautiful girl AMAZES me in every possible way. She is the essence of literally every complimentary word I could think to give a human being. I am absolutely the most blessed woman alive to call her my best friend.
I thought about her sweet, selfless soul throughout the day, and as I looked to Jesus, I thanked Him for her birth and for her presence in my life and so many lives.
Classes were good and engaging as I tried to be present in both, to focus in 100% on first diasporic African literature, and then on the paradoxical accumulation and erosion in one author’s anthology.
From class I went straight to Youth, where tiredness and guilt wanted to get in the way of my having energy to be with my girls, to be present and helpful, and to be a leader. But Jesus through a beautiful, incredible friend of mine, Ani, talked me through those feelings and helped me to see the lies in them. To be present and joyful and seeing each human as the souls Jesus loves.
And I had SUCH A FUN NIGHT. Thank-you Jesus, and thank-you Ani!
And finally, I’m winding down with tea and chocolate chip sweet potato pancakes… my beautiful roommates… the blog (and the occasional essay), feeling at ease, at home, and knowing that my Father is in control.
Keep me talking to You, Jesus. Give me a heart that doesn’t want to stop praying, Lord. I just want to know You, Lord!