"Rest In My Design, Not Yours"
Today I woke up to the sound of my alarm at 10am entirely exhausted. With tired eyes, I leaned over to turn it off and immediately fell back asleep again.
It truly seems that the more sleep I get, the more aware I am of exhaustion! As if, once I begin to catch up on sleep, my body just wants me to continue catching up indefinitely. But, the Spirit of Jesus provides energy. So does His blessing of food. And the occasional coffee.
I spent elongated time with Jesus this morning, aware of the fact that other matters were trying to make themselves seem more important, knowing that the Lord had my answers and was whom my attention was required to.
I made breakfast and enjoyed a slow morning with Maddie, Mary, and Autumn in the living room catching up on work emails and studying before heading off to campus– of naturally forgetting my travel mug of my homemade hot chocolate on my way out the door.
I was half working on a paper/half listening to an English lecture when the fire alarm sounded, we all jumped, and clunked and out of the building. While everyone murmured about wondering whether it was a drill or a real fire, I saw a beautiful familiar face in my friend Lauren.
Waiting outside for a half hour before class time was almost done anyway and we decided to leave, Lauren and I caught up about a load of things, and focusing on her and her life of the past few months became my only calling. It was announced that classes in the building would be cancelled for the next few hours, and so I headed home to cold hot chocolate and warm blankets. I finished quite a few assignments and readings, further relieving some built up stress, and continually just heard the Lord that He wanted to spend time with me. Rather than adhering to points on my agenda, I needed time with Him.
So time with Him I spent. And more than anything His Spirit has led me to a period of slowness to speak, and quickness to listen. And I am so blessed to be literally surrounded by 4 girls who pour love and conviction and friendship over me, in times of confusion and times of joy equally.
I have been abruptly awoken by a period of experiencing awakened hormones through physical healing– my doctor says, almost as if going through puberty all over again. And it hasn’t been altogether fun, and I’m having a hard time being patient with myself. But I know that Jesus is patience, and He is teaching me a loooot.
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure. PSALM 16:5
I met my family for dinner tonight to celebrate my sister, Courtney’s, 17th birthday.
Courtney has so many precious gifts, such a passionate soul, and I am so grateful for my family’s traditions in getting together for birthdays.
After dinner, I came home and got some more homework and work done, really overwhelmed by how much unexpected free time I’ve had to get caught up on what’s been stressing me out.
Jesus has used this to remind me that He is in control, not me. There is temptation in trying to forge my own way, but He yields the path that glorifies Him. And today, He prompted me lovingly and patiently to prayer, and to conversations with my roommates that He worked through.
I am retired to a pyjama and tea and movie with my best friend-turned-housemate, resting in Him and confident in His Words and His Way in all the ways that my own apart from Him could never yield eternal glory.