A little anxious, a little off. Weird. I haven’t woken up this way in a while. Grab my phone– weird. I also usually grab my Bible first thing. I mindlessly scroll through Instagram, thumb against the screen, who’s-doing-what, it’s like a game. Of course I feel only more anxious, and in a few moments stop long enough to hear Jesus saying,
Come to me.
So I open my Bible and has He ever “disappointed?” Will the perfect Creator ever “disappoint?” It isn’t even a fair question, for He created me. It isn’t even a sensical question, but of course the answer is
Of course not.
I go to Him and away from the world, away from thoughts of final papers and worries about the future and just rest in Him. And I think about my Father and breathe in my Father and all I can do is smile and all I can say is, It is well with my soul. Father, bless Your children today, as we eagerly wait for the glorious day when “All the world shall know the fullness of your love as the depths of the sea.”
Breakfast. And coffee. Snackin while cleaning the house with the girls, worshipping and catching up, Jesus thank-you for my house that is Yours and for You and FUUULLLL OF YOUUU.
School. I go a little early to study and write and I have theses flying through my head and am excited to sit and flesh them out. Poetry class. So many deadlines. Two more weeks of class? Nuts. I am so excited for the dance showcase coming in a few weekends. I am so excited for Daniella’s birthday even before that. And Bethany’s birthday next week, and Jacqueline’s in a few days where I’ll get to meet Johnny’s old friend Ruby, and of course being with Johnny soon…
Slow down. Be in me. I am in you.
I breathe and He is in me in poetry class and my only obligation is to let Him be. Not to be sucked into the future or planning, but to submit to His Spirit.
Class is done and I run into Bethany on the way home. Tell her to come home with me and she does, and when I get home and check the mailbox there is indeed a letter and it’s from Johnny and I’m so excited I forget about coffee and lunch for a moment and sit in the living room absorbing the little words and let myself feel all the feelings.
Let Jesus pour into my Spirit. And He gives beautiful provision and affirmation.
I eat, I study, I chat with the girls and pretty soon I’m back in class. A prof tells me my essay was the first he has graded with zero comma splices and that I give him hope for the grammar-learners and doers of this generation. Ha. My understanding of words, and where they go, and how they work is a gift from the Lord. How do you call me to use it, Lord Jesus?
When I’m back at home I find myself writing page after to page to Johnny. Then spontaneously finishing up some choreography for the dance classes I teach. Cookin’ whatever I have to use up in the kitchen (mental note, need to grocery shop! But I throw together a really good stir fry if I do say so myself), watch Friends with Maddie as we both say “We should be doing essays,” and then a phone call with Johnny’s dear aunt and uncle, who are dear friends of mine. We just share and talk about what Jesus is doing and has done in our lives and these conversations are the best.
It is tap class time and I’m so happy. I’m out of breath working so hard tonight, smiling my face off, oh Lord thank-you that I can once again praise You through dance with no bondage! We “show-and-tell” with the advanced hip hop class which my beautiful friend Cassia is in, and we gush at each other’s dancing. Cass invites me out for drinks and Trivia Night at the on campus restaurant and I’m grateful for time with her. She is a selfless, endlessly joyful person.
Jesus, you did not call me to any stress or anxiety about this day, all of which I could not “plan for.” You make my days meaningful. You are the source of my strength and joy. You are my purpose, the song on my heart forever.