I am excited and ready to write and share with you an experience Jesus walked through with me this morning: an experience, more accurately, that was not much of an experience at all.
I woke up this morning so at rest and by His grace telling the Lord, I am listening to You, Jesus. Just You.
I had a beautiful email from Johnny’s aunt to read, about a friend of hers whose life was devoted to Jesus, in trust, and furthermore what that life looked like because of our King.
I spent some time in Psalms and 2 Corinthians and I found myself singing.
Oh Jesus, in these You-and-me moments nothing could be more clear to me but that You are it.
How silly of me to have such clarity in my moments with just You…. when every moment is meant to be with “just” You. For, that is how we’re called to live. That is the only way to bless and love others.
I rolled out of bed some time after 11 and made breakfast. Everything is so different but it doesn’t strike me anymore as much because it’s normal. Oh but it’s not, I am reminded. My breakfasting, my awareness, my vibrancy are miracles through and by the Lord Jesus. I smile despite myself.
I am watching the Bachelor (to Maddie’s delight, the final episode) in the living room and Mary is getting ready for work and excitedly telling me about chocolate covered coffee beans and we check the ingredients and they are dark chocolate and so dairy-free. “You have to try them,” Mary says, and I am eating my brunch relaxed on the couch and she hands me some of the beans and of course I try them. It is so normal now the place of eating or tasting or trying that I don’t think about it except today I am reminded of how
You cannot serve God and money. MATTHEW 6:24
Indeed. For me, the most prominent master of “money” I used to serve was that of meticulously planning my food. And oh how I tried in my humanness to “fit” the action of so meticulously planning my food into my serving God. But oh, how I today I was reminded of this impossibility.
A few months ago, Mary may have kindly thought about offering some to you, but wouldn’t, because she’d know you’d say no. Which may have halted conversation. Which may have led up to unspoken resentment and confusion.
A few months ago, I would be fraught with the worry that Mary might offer them to me and the awkwardness that then accompanies it.
It was prideful for me to have recognized that this was not fear God called me to or submitted to His Spirit and yet tolerate it.
And when Mary gives me a dish of the coffee beans and I agree with her how good they are and there’s still a little exchange of a knowing smile that, Yeah, Jesus is good, the fact that snacking on this gift has nothing to do with anything is no longer an “experience” is the experience itself.
Some things that life without food rules have opened up? No, that The Spirit of God has by His grace revealed to me?
Since being freed, there are probably endless situations in which my flesh has submitted more to His Spirit that is always perfectly offering Himself to me. Like the coffee beans, moreover closeness with Mary. Like one of my best friend Jake’s birthday celebration, conversations there with some of my best friends about our Creator. Like grades that are more like my true self, remembering that I first was surprised to see Bs because I simply always was a straight-A student and now I am seeing As again, praising Jesus alone for my clarity and focus. Laughter and relaxation.
Renewed revelation and desire in the Word of God.
Excitement and affirmation in my relationship with my amazing boyfriend.
Ultimately, a song on my heart that all of these things, “may all the world know” (EPHESIANS 3, oh Lord you know all the heavens and the earth WILL know) are FOR– and FROM– Jesus Christ alone.