Ah, this weekend has been so good.
I feel so blessed!
My amazing soul sister Josee messaged me in challenge about not having oatmeal on Thursday.
It was one I felt I so needed.
And the Lord so used this weekend. I discovered something massive.
Thank-you, Jo, for your tender, vulnerable spirit that just allows the Lord to use you. It is so for His glory and so good.
Not eating oatmeal made me realize why I think it’s such a “safe food” for me, a go-to:
when I was in the depths of binge eating disorder and bulimia before having anorexia, I never binged on food eaten in bowls with a spoon. Only things that could be eaten with your hands or typically on a plate with a fork. Oats are a whole food. They’re low energy and high fibre, medium protein, medium fat. The devil has taught brought me to
sell me soul to a three-piece, and he would tell me that made me holy. Got me down on both knees trying to hold me down, sneaking out the back door without a sound.
And I am not ok with this. Not ok with fearing food, because it’s not fruitful for the Lord.
I ate absolutely no oatmeal from Friday-Sunday.
What did I eat that was great and new?
Raisin toast, almond yogurt, sunflower seed butter, beef, Sweet potato, and…
Maddie’s birthday was yesterday and I did not think I had the courage to drink with her. But I enjoyed a couple drinks alongside my wonderful now 19-year-old roommate like a normal person.
Oh yeah. Some other wonderful things happened this weekend. They all happen to tie Bbeautifully into my theme. But um, one of my best friends got engaged.
And on top of that, Johnny’s wonderful brother got engaged on the same day. So much excitement! Speaking of that… Johnny’s other brother’s son is a few weeks old, and likely the most precious baby on earth.
For Maddie’s birthday, I spent the whole day with her, out for lunch, laughing, having wonderful conversations with friends.
And today, after a wonderful shift at Starbucks where I got to talk to so many awesome customers, Daniella, Michael, Ryan and I went to see Tory Lanez in Toronto, which was AMAZING!!
I was really feeling anxious about food, but when we settled on eating at Jack Astor’s, I got a pad Thai. I haven’t eaten such a legitimate meal in some months, and I finished all my food. In prayer and with little anxiety. Daniella being my bestest friend, there through thick and thin and one of the most genuine, caring people on the planet earth, I also feel very comfortable eating around her.
Tory was PHENOMENAL live and the vibes of the concert were so cool.
And Johnny. How about my wonderful, handsome, funny, wise, caring boyfriend. Who I get to see in 10 days.
Words can’t explain how deep and solid my love is for this man.
And late night on my kitchen floor chats with Mary, her boyfriend Aaron, Maddie, Kathryn and Jess, a therapy session, shopping, eating sweetened peanut butter because I was hungry and that is more than enough reason…
Ultimately, if I had listened to my eating disorder fully this weekend, none of these things would have involved me. I would have stayed alone and only ate oatmeal. Clearly, this is not the voice of Christ, but of the one who does not want His glory. And woah.. this showed me that any voice of restriction is always the devil, and why would I want to listen to him even a little bit.
Life isn’t that. I’m prepared for the Lord to use my life only More For his purposes each day, as He has me racing to His arms.