THOUGHTS: Christmas, Cooking, Changes

PSALM 2:7 I will proclaim the LORD’S decree: He said to me “You are my Son. Today I will become your Father.”

Hello friends, brothers, sisters!

It has been a whirlwind of a week, insignificant me (beyond my being a temple of the living Christ) coming to know Truths new to MY being but of course timelessly true, growing and being stretched by Him to points of such joy and also absolute exhaustion.


On Thursday, I forgot to blog. For the first time in a year and a half, I FORGOT to blog. 

My posting is stringent, laid-out– those of you who subscribe and follow my page know that. I write Monday-Thursday. I plan. This is a suitable and perhaps even expected layout for a successful blog. But the construction of specific posts so “Cassie” and with little leeway for the Spirit’s intercession– in other words, basically an agreement that says “I am going to blog these days about these things– is unhealthy and not glorifying, I realize. Rather, it feeds in to my type A personality; my want to have everything in neat little controlled box. Ha.

GALATIANS 3:22 But Scripture has locked up everything under the control of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith inJesus Christ, might be given to those who believe.

Truth. Baaam.

Forgetting to blog led to praying about the blog. Today, I worked out a new layout for it just for fun– the randomness of which is not often in my nature.

But such randomness has been such a theme of the past few days.

My Christmas was beautiful. I have partaken in the same traditions since I was young, but of course the Holy Spirit at work drew me to the Cross as I reflected on my Saviour’s birth… His vulnerability to coming to us as a baby, as Johnny’s brother talked about reflecting on… His plan to grow and dwell perfectly within Jesus, our perfect Saviour, Redeemer, and King.

And, Johnny came to most of them, and I to some of his Christmas traditions. Which was special in a melancholy, but also new and renewing way. He gave me one of the most meaningful, thoughtful, and helpful gifts I’ve ever received, complete with a poem and explanations of the gifts and how he saw them fit for me.

Lord, oh Lord, more each day I am reminded of how little I deserve you… how weak I am without you… how EVERYTHING You are. 

The past few days, I have eaten more freely than I have since I was ten years old. I am saying that with conviction and evidence; of the Lord’s intervention, drawing me to Him so that I might lay down the laws that serve the enemy’s kingdom.

Bam. I ripped them up.  

The Lord led me to a position and to servants of His Kingdom that humbled me to a point of understanding my own pride and weakness more clearly. Of understanding my dire need for a Saviour. And in that, taught me the extent to which I’d been abiding by rules of another king and to rip them up in His name SO THAT He might give me a true testimony of His goodness. So that I might never again use His name in vain, oh Lord I pray.

Since then, life has looked different. I have been more aware than ever of the spiritual battle. I have more deeply longed for my Lord. I have exhaustively rebuked Satan’s attempts and even my own mentalities surrounding food– ultimately DEAD.

This has shed so much light.

And so,

This blog may look and feel and be quite different moving forward. Or perhaps not so much. It may be put on hold. It will sometimes carry untruths when my human self gets in the way of the Spirit– but it will look to the Lord first. And it will glorify Him through His Spirit and not trying might of my own. And it will likely sometimes just be fun recipes and I will eat the food I create and report to you. And in any documentation I pray always just more of Jesus.


WHAT I ATE WEDNESDAY: God, Grace, and Toronto

Good evening friends!
What a blessed day of the Lord.
I woke this morning in such a peace and freedom, so aware of Jesus’ presence and I stretched out on my bed and just spent time worshipping. I soaked in some of the Word, prayed, and thanked my Lord for this day, that also happens to be Kathryn’s birthday!

After some time checking my grades and praying about feeling kind of down about them (not the end of the world; my schooling is the Lord’s and I will just keep striving for what He has in it for His purposes), writing, and watching YouTube videos, I made breakfast. A big bowl of oats with cinnamon peanut butter, mixed berries, and banana, alongside a cup of apple cider tea. I also snacked on a ton of fresh celery that just looked too good.

After breakfast, I met Kathryn at a downtown cafe called Cafe Pyrus that I love. I had an almond milk cappuccino. Which had a quad shot of espresso. Whoop! My only dose of the day of course😉.

My beautiful Kathryn! I am so grateful for her and Christ’s ever growing pursuit of her heart. Know the victory is already won precious girl!

Right from our too-quick coffee, I headed to the bus station to catch my greyhound to Toronto. I love transit of any sort. The enemy has certainly used it to taunt me and make me nervous about the amount of sitting I have to do. But recently I have been so in awe of what the LORD does with that time where I have no choice but to sit, but certainly the choice to listen to Him, pray, and grow in Him.

So that is how I spent my ride there! Wrecked by Jesus, praying, worshipping, listening to great music.

And why Toronto?

I was going to meet some of my dearest friends and sisters; one I’ve met only one other time, but who is one of the most important people in my life, Josee; Jacqueline, also one of my dearest friends; and their friend Grace, who I just got to meet today. Jacq and Grace were meeting me at a food place and we were then going to head over to Jo’s apartment.

This proved to be a struggle 😜

My bus was about 20 minutes late, which was fine because Jacqueline and Grace had some stops to make anyway. But I accidentally led them to the wrong food place, my phone died, and we had over an hour of just bad traffic and miscommunication.

Lord, please provide! Keep the girls safe and close! Bring us together Lord and unite us in You.

I grew very hungry, and I knew Josee wanted to just eat at home, and had food for the girls too, but I knew I needed to eat the food I had bought, as I hadn’t eaten since very early morning and it was now 3:45!! I had a bowl of lentil soup and a chocolate chia pudding from IQ Foods for lunch. It was all really good and decently priced; I would recommend! Also super new foods and just what I wanted.

Finally, the girls and I united and found each other! So grateful, and yet we had all been so peaceable, while active, in the process. It was great to meet Grace and get to talk to her in the car, and see Jacqueline. We got to Josee’s pretty quickly and embraced her right away, all so happy to see her!

I am in awe of Jesus in Josee.

We made tea and the girls ate lunch and I marvelled at Josee’s adorable, very “Josee” apartment. On the 12th floor, Josee has a view of the CN Tower and the rest of the city. At first, we felt kind of rushed and off schedule, tempted to figure out times needed to get home and get to the bus station again, but Josee, in her calm way, encouraged us to be present with each other and the Spirit, and we welcomed Him.

Our conversations were amazing and so Spirit-led. In talking, I say a lot on Grace’s heart and she asked many questions, which we got to all talk and then pray about to do with a valiant life in the Spirit.

What does that look like?

Well, it’s for Him. And He leads ya there. In front of Him.

“The counterfeit to righteousness is a “work harder, obey more” kind of mentality, and the counterfeit to peace is any kind of activity that promises well-being apart from Jesus.”

So we prayed, and we laid ourselves before Him, and we asked for discernment. What a blessed little night in a big big world that God GUARDS ENTIRELY us girls had.

Before I left, Josee gave me a package wrapped in newspaper with “CASSIE” painted on it. What a gem my girl is. Inside was a book called “Guarded by Christ” which I read lots of on my way home, and a beautiful handwritten card, with tons of prophetic Bible verses. Josee is such a selfless soul, so full of the Spirit.

Jacqueline and Grace drove me back to the bus stop so graciously. It took us quite a while to figure out where I should be going– multiple trips to different bus stations until I found a trip that wasn’t sold out– but finally I did, after prayer, more time with the girls, and help from a wonderful ticket man. I hopped on a Go bus and couldn’t stop smiling all the way home as I soaked in Jesus’ awe-striking presence.

Lord, bring me to my knees.

My way home held so much insight and clarity. I was messaging Johnny, which was of course a highlight, and also spent a lot of time with my phone off and away, just with the Spirit. Where He humbled me that Wow, He had provided. As usual. All day. He does in every single life bring us to Him and draw us in in the most magnificent ways that cause us to shout His praises. OH WHAT A SAVIOUR!

Listening to music and worshipping, I felt so much on my heart about Josee and spent a lot of time in prayer for her. Lord, release chains Josee doesn’t even know she has. Lift veils so she may experience a double portion of your freedom. Equip her even. More to serve you. 

I feel I will be talking to Josee every day if I can. She is such a light. 

A wonderful 3 hour journey later, and I was aware of hungry I was! I knew I needed a proper meal, too, even though it was after midnight. Dinner had not been had. My lunch was ten hours prior and it was small.

I heard the voice of the devil (that’s right( I know who this is, by the grace of God): no one eats at midnight! Just go to bed. It’s easier.

No. I need to fuel my body for the sake of the Lord. 

And so for dinner, I made chicken and a poached egg with cinnamon raisin barley toast, cucumber and mushrooms with peanut butter. Yum! I ATE and read some more before sneaking into bed, ever thanking God and smiling over this day that has left me changed in His name.

TOP TEN TUESDAY: Toned and Undeceived

Hi Friends!

Something that has so bothered me lately is how I used to feel I could glorify and worship God through working out. I loved running, I loved movement, I loved dance– until its only purpose became “how many calories am I burning?” I refuse now to work out when I know I am being tempted by the enemy, and have been able thus to do some workouts lately that I don’t know the calorie burn of and really just enjoy because they make me feel stronger. 

Here are my top ten reasons to exercise– but nothing beyond short, light workouts for those in recovery– that don’t involve/have influence from the enemy.

Strength. Our bodies were built to move and do incredible things for the Lord’s purposes. To travel great distances, to stretch, to endure– it’s quite amazing what they’re capable of! 

Betterment. Any type of genuine growth of the muscles is a good thing. Eating disorders often convince that muscle growth is not a good thing, but it certainly is a good thing because of course strength is a good thing! Any sort of betterment is for health and strength more fit for Christ’s purposes in us; and if working out causes one to be weaker , it is enemy-led.

Natural. I think that most exercise should be a natural movement rather than a planned workout sequence, which for many people can be destructive and meticulous. God didn’t intend for people to spend tons of time in the gym on set out routines. Playing sports or dancing; running or walking; lifting heavy things and working hard; for most people, this is just natural. But because we’ve become a people more acquired to spending hours on end just sitting, workouts for those who do not have that destructive/disordered past can certainly make sense.

Circuits. Right now, just when I feel like it, I like doing ab circuits. They give me more stamina and just make me feel genuinely good, not in a disorder-pleasing way but in a truly healthy way.

Dance. I love teaching dance and taking dance classes, both of which I’ve found I’m truly working for the Lord in praise and thanks for movement and my body.

Slow Runs. I have often been able to go for runs without checking my calorie burn, just listening to worship music or sermons and taking in the Creation and marvelling at my breath and His sighs. 

Stamina. Being able to stay strong, endure obstacles, and push through physically– this is important. And has nothing to do with the aesthetics an eating disorder often likes to zone in on.

Untouchable. Exercise is something the enemy has no owner over in my life. I should this be able to exercise and rebuke any of his attempts to control it. I should also be able to not exercise and praise the Lord just as much.

Victory. The victory in beating personal records in exercise is one we can praise the Lord in– but when the enemy says, Your victory is in the calorie burn/whatever it may be, that is where we must lean on the Lord and know when to step back from working out.

MOTIVATION MONDAY: Fruitful Blessings

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

The past few days have been some of the greatest of my life. 

Johnny came home Friday night. 

He called me at 9:45ish and said in a tone I will never forget, “I’m outside.” Because that tone so echoed the insane excitement, butterflies, and ultimately peace and reverence that my spirit felt.

I remember the walk to the door and the opening of the door feeling endlessly long before I was in Johnny’s arms. I cannot remotely put to words what it felt like to be held by him. When I went back in to get my coat so I could meet his nephew, who was waiting with his brother and sister in law in the car who had dropped him off, it was too long away from him, and I couldn’t believe or fathom the blessing of my boyfriend, my love actually being outside. But I came back and he was. 

Meeting Henry was unreal. What a beautiful miracle.

We came back inside and that night is a blur. A few tears, lots of catching up, lots of laughs, so much smiling. We headed out to Kathryn’s birthday party after just a few hours, where Johnny got to meet for the first time Kathryn, and reunite with her boyfriend Matt, Kevin, and lots of other people. We had such a good time and so many good talks, including sharing with questioning friends the story of how we met. And fell in love. And all night, looking into my love’s eyes and listening to music with him and being with our friends I was struck over and over with how unbelievably right, glorifying, and close I felt to Johnny. 

Closer than ever, after 4 months of separation.

Praise the Lord. All praise and glory to Him, not because this closeness has anything to do with Johnny and I, but because the very truth of our closeness is a work of Christ and by His Spirit we know this relationship is good for Him. 

The next day was very chill. Johnny and I made lunch, watched Boy Meets World, caught up on music, and I just got to chill with my best friend. And give him his birthday present, a cross “military chain” with an engraving of his favourite bible verse. 

Johnny’s been staying at his brother’s house, whose roommate has the most beautiful dog named Sampson!

Saturday night, we went out with some of my closest friends Daniella, Michael, and Ryan to a board game cafe which was also so much fun. It was so amazing to be with Johnny and my friends altogether again. 

Sunday morning Johnny and I had breakfast at my place and watched a short but absolutely incredible sermon called the Lineage of Majesty. We headed off to church at the church I’ve grown up attending, St. Peter’s, where Johnny saw my mom, dad, grandparents, and little sis for the first time since he’s been back. We all went for coffee after with Courtney’s friend Bailey, too, which was great.

Johnny and I spent Sunday differently than we had originally planned to, as plans were cancelled. After church, we went home, made lunch, and went with Johnny’s brother Stephen and fiancé Amanda to check out a potential venue for their wedding– which they signed off on! It was beautiful, and an honour to be there and with Steve and Amanda. By both the owner of the venue and later Amanda’s dad, Johnny and I were asked, “So when are you getting married?” 

And yes– Amanda graciously invited us for dinner at her family’s home, which was so beautiful and so evidently shining the Holy Spirit. Amanda’s mom is hilarious, and her dad so humble and kind– and, as foster parents, there were three sweet kids that had dinner with us, too.

Johnny and I felt blessed to sit in on the wedding talk and plans before dinner. Amanda’s mom graciously made me a dairy free pulled pork which we had with rice and salad. We all sat down and prayed and thanked the Lord for the evening and the food. I knew immediately that Johnny knew the fear in me. The pork had so much sauce on it. I was automatically trying to figure out how much there was. Rather than listening to conversation, I spread it around my plate and forked it slowly, finally eating little pieces of it. Spirit convicting me and Cassie mad at myself for not engaging much in or starting much conversation and Johnny squeezing my hand, smiling at me with tears eyes, whispering encouragement in Christ. Man. Praise Jesus. 

The devil was conquered and I ate the entire meal.

I felt angry for how much Id struggled. Was mad that I was completely not myself and without position in Christ in front of a new family so wonderful and so gracious and important to me! And at the same time, the devil whispering, How could you eat that? Before, you would have so easily figured out a way to avoid eating any of that. You just consumed who knows how much sauce… meat… blah blah blah blah… 

it was so loud and I prayed and Johnny knew, Johnny saw, Johnny was praying. I felt his prayers. After dinner, he suggested so kindly we go for a walk, and we did. 

And Johnny, rather than lifting or boasting in or dwelling on our love for each other, helped me to lift up convenant with Christ, and we talked about the victory Jesus already has over this enemy. Reveled and marvelled over it. Praised the Lord and showed love to each other. 

We finished the night at Amanda’s house, where the Lord so fulfilled love and His Spirit so I was able to walk in Him. The four of us went back to Waterloo where we watched, as Johnny had suggested because he knew how much it would mean to me, one of my favourite and the most brilliant movies The Jungle Book. If you have not read my blog post on its Christian parallels, check it out here. Johnny loved it and talked about most of what my blog mentions afterward based on how he interpreted the movie, which was so cool to talk about.

Today was shopping day. I was exhausted for some reason, but nonetheless had so much fun shopping with ma love. Time with him flies. No matter what. I had a cappuccino and oatmeal for breakfast which Johnny said he was happy to “just watch me eat.” 

This man who empathized with my pain so much last night he was crying, was loving me so genuinely in reverence and kept saying how he wanted nothing more than to see me free. All of this is a testament to our Lord Jesus and how beautifully He has worked through this distance to meet Johnny and I exactly where we are. 

be thou ravished always with her love. PROVERBS 5:19

We shopped, anyway, for family and friends and drove around listening to music, all of it timeless. All of it just making me want to cry because I’d missed it more than I’ve ever missed someone. But just so good.

We met Johnny’s two brothers and sisters-in-law (well, one soon-to-be) and the new beautiful baby Henry for lunch at a Zoup, which was delicious. We played a board game and caught up with each other for the rest of the day, and I loved getting to be there, seeing the amazinng brothers all close and catching up, forever getting to know them better myself, and of course the girls too. And holding Johnny’s nephew, so amazing!

The whole weekend has been such a blessing and one that I have learned so much in and through. I’m so joyful and happy proclaiming the Lord’s goodness in this distance and ultimately that there would be no strength, no perseverance, no freedom in this without His guidance and FORTRESSING might. 


Today is my boyfriend’s 21st birthday. 

And tomorrow I see him for the first time in four months.

I thought I would use the opportunity of his birthday to talk about my awe in some of what the Lord has done in our relationship for His sake.

Since we’ve been apart, Johnny and I have grown closer and our relationship has thrived and we’ve both been brought to more peace even than we had when he left. When we have had doubts or concerns or struggles, we brought them to the Lord, then to each other, and continuing in Christ. Both of us able to love each other so well because of God’s hands and work to draw us closer to HIM.

We’re both busy; we both thrive off it, and just allowing God to use us expectant of His greatness and Kingdom. This distance has proven our lack of codependency on each other, ultimately our dependancy on God and knowing that He is the only One we need. As God has done incredible things in and through me and the people around me this semester, I have heard about and testify toHis Spirit so at work in and through Johnny and people at Providence. Because the Lord’s eternal grace and praise is our centre– thanks be to Him!– I feel blessed that We have been able to have so much joy for each other’s servitude; while of course missing each other. A lot.

Which is why I can’t put to words how excited and anxious I feel in every part of me just to be with Johnny tomorrow. I am praying over our time together that God uses it and keeps us just running toward Him. I would be so weak, am so weak, without His Spirit amidst this distance, but by His ever-flowing grace I am smiling.

This morning I left my phone at home and ventured through a ton of snow to the Starbucks by my university to study study study. The only available spot was the table Johnny and I had our first date at, over a year ago.

I thought back to that date, thought about how much peace and excitement and fun I had even then, and how far we have come in growth with each other and for the Lord in a small year. 

Our relationship is His, and I feel like such a blessed girl that He has led me to this one.

WHAT I ATE WEDNESDAY: Square Meals and That’s That

Today has been good. Good for my God in His work in me and I know it. Praise Him!

I woke this morning two hours before my Bible final and spent time in the Word before making breakfast. I brewed coffee and made 2 pieces raisin toast with carrots, peanut butter, and an egg. It may seem like an uber random hodge podge but it was really good. And while I was making it I was struck with such thankfulness and joy, as I have been feeling so strongly lately, in this house. Ahhh praise the Lord! 

My Bible final went really well. I had a one on one oral presentation on an entire timeline of the Bible, and I must say that I learned more valuable and life-taking things in this class than in any other academic class in the history of my life! My prof is a wonderful human being, too.

After the final, I headed straight to a study lounge and plugged away for hours on my final paper for my other Christian Studies class. I finished it, and edited it a few hours later. DONE! I headed out around 1pm to get my blood work and heart test as per my doctor’s request.

I used to get these done once a month at the ed clinic. Today, being there and getting them done, I felt so convicted in the way the illness has taken over parts of my soul that are for Jesus alone. It was a major wake-up call just being there, backward-prophetic in it reminding me of how unfruitful that consumed life was– therefore, not even a pinch of this disorder may consume my mind.

So I went home in prayer and, by the Spirit, determination to eat a good lunch. And it was yum! I made a beef steakette with whole grain rice, green beans, carrots, and my homemade Thai sauce. It was really good!!!

I hung out and caught up with Maddie and Mary in the living room for a bit before we all went to a cafe to study. Again, hit with nostalgia and blessings. So blessed.

We studied well for a few hours, I caught up on errands and cleaning and before I knew it, it was late! I made dinner of my favourite chicken breast with a giant bowl of goat’s yogurt, peanut butter, and carrots. Again, I am such a random eater… but I genuinely love these foods and just wanted something quick and easy. 

I had a lovely coffee catch up with my beautiful friend Emily, and Mary joined us too, which was great. I drank a soy cappuccino, as is typical. 

Mary and I had a music-blasting cleaning party and I look disgusting right now but I so don’t care! Two more exams, Johnny’s birthday in five minutes, and I am seeing him on Friday. I have endless reason every moment to praise my God and more need each second to repent as I am called.

Blessings and prayers going into your Thursday. ❤️

TOP TEN TUESDAY: Some More of Those Blessed Moments of Intimacy

I thought I’d share with you some of the blessings of souls I get to do life with, because they inspire me.

Cassia. Yesterday I finished up (almost) my Christmas shopping with Cassia, which was so much fun. Cass is one of my favourite people to be around. She is so full of life and love. 

Johnny. Johnny’s birthday is Thursday, and I can’t explain the amazing peace I’ve had thinking about our challenges and triumphs and every moment together over the past year, striving in the Lord and praying that He is seen and glorified in and through us. I have seen him grow in ways I don’t think he even recognizes since he’s been in Winnipeg, and glory to God! I am so excited to be with him. My heart flutters like crazy just thinking about it. 

Laura. Laura has a few times been sitting in the little Kitchener Starbucks that I work at when I’m on my way in for a shift, studying. Her smile and warmth and care for how I’ve been always instantly brightens me. She is beautiful. 

Roommates. Maddie, Mary, and I have become closer than ever, and I feel so insanely blessed and am in awe of how Jesus has knit this house as we’ve prayed over it and in it and for each other and many situations. TUESDAY morning we had “Christmas morning” with all the housemates, and we exchanged our secret santa gifts and blasted Michael Buble and ate breakfast together. Maddie and I have continued to have just incredible conversations every single day. She is probably one of the most selfless and thoughtful women alive. And Mary, bless her soul, is so driven, joyful, and beautiful, always seeking the Lord’s praises and loving so Him-like. Tonight she and I had a big cleaning night and just played music and talked and it was so needed. 

Mack. My beautiful Mackenzie is the most lively, “kindred spirit” heart, and Christ is moving in her in phenomenal and evident ways. I praise Him for that, Mack, and continue in prayer that He fills you with the righteous courage to continue striving in His name. 

Jacquelyn and Lauren. Oh man, these two! Both of these girls are a part of my life because of Johnny, and I am so grateful for my friendships with both of them. We spent Sunday together, from studying to a small group within a church, and laughed most of the time. They are such lights of the Lord and I am so grateful to know them!

Daniella. Oh, this girl. My bestest friend of more than seven years, someone who has loved me relentlessly and selflessly and brought nothing but happiness, joy, life, laughs, and amazing conversations into my life. Daniella loves with so much real ness and caring and I am inspired by her every single day. We had a perfect study date this week and went to relax and get pedicures yesterday. I dont want to know a life without her and never could!

Mariah. Another human whose beauty I can’t put into words. The Lord has captured this girl’s heart and uses her so evidently and prophetically and consistently in such love but also conviction. I have met her exactly twice, at Bible studies at our home, but she is like a sister. 

Kenya. Kenya, my Starbucks “big sister,” my beautiful friend, whose selflessness and caring heart have inspired me since the moment I met her. When we work together, we joke to and about each other all the time, and outside of work have such awesome conversations and plan adventures and really look out for each other. 

Sammy. So this beautiful girl– I can’t explain the way she loves. I can’t explain how unfair some of her circumstances have been, but her perseverance is so relentlessly inspiring, it’s unreal. Our time together yesterday was just SO GOOD, everything about it. 

Family. I have such a beautiful family who all love and care about me so much, and of course the same back. My sister’s are two of my best friends in the world and my parents are two of the most genuinely compassionate humans I’ll ever know.

I know this was a super random post, but these people and tons more have been on my heart in prayer and thanksgiving and their inspiring spirits in my life needed to be echoed in writing.