This morning, similar to yesterday morning, I slept through my alarm and learned that I’ll be setting two or three from now on, and LOUDER ones😪😛 I wasn’t late for my 9am shift at Cora’s but was rushed, so breakfast was just a quest bar during my Bible study. I was exhausted and lethargic during my shift and something woke inside of me; I hadn’t eaten solid food besides soy coffee since 1pm the previous day. This isn’t okay and cannot continue. Midway through my shift, I went to the bathroom and prayed. I asked the Lord to guide me and lift me up knowing from the past that I can’t do a single thing without Him, but that I can do all things through Him.
My wonderful manager told me to leave a little early, noting how tired I looked, and I did. I had plans with Laura, and she made the day brighter as she always does. I drank a soy cappuccino while we perused the mall and visited my friend Kenya from Starbucks and one of my long time best friends Jake at the bargain store he works at.
I got home at 5pm, very hungry and very tired. I wanted oatmeal, but panicked a little when I realized we were all out. My mom was out so I tried calling her a bunch of times in case she was grocery shopping; no answer. I realized that any regular person would just eat something else. But I genuinely wanted my oatmeal! I remembered that we had these packets of oatmeal that also had chia seeds and were thus slightly higher in fat, so Ed had written them off. But I thought they looked delish, and so I proceeded to make a packet of them, topped with cacao, peanut butter, sliced banana, and cherries.
I took a much needed and uninterrupted 2 hour nap and then knew I needed some more food, so dinner was another quest bar with carrots and peanut butter. My head was telling me, “this is too processed, you should have some lean chicken.” But I was craving the quest bar. I struggled with that thought for a while and let it take over me before giving it over to God in prayer.
It has been a weak day in many ways but a day that the Lord has used just the same to teach me that I need only ask, I need only train my eyes on Him, I need only allow His Spirit to work, period. He has revealed to me that I need to be eating me, and with His support and I pray through the love and support of those surrounding me He will lead me in His timing to full remission from this eating disorder. And His goodness is something I can always, 24/7 be expectant of and ready for. How blessed are we and how good is our God?!
I’m heading to a friend’s soon who is kindly letting me sleep over because she lives so close to my work and I start at 5am tomorrow! Have a blessed evening ladies and gents💕