The “worst” has happened (the “worst” being the “worst” in my piddly little human eyes).
I am sick to the point of being literally unable to do anything. Last night, I couldn’t even focus enough to read a book.
First, I want to reflect on a few ways I haven’t taken the best care of myself of late.
- Sunburn at the cottage last weekend. Yeah, I have a killer tan now, but not worth the effect on my health.
- Overexertion? I work out every day and don’t like to miss days. I usually just do cardio and yoga, and while I know it would be HEALTHY for me to do strength training/calisthenics, there is a voice of “you’ll get too bulky.” (I know this is FALSE! And frankly REDUNDANT!) Any way the past week I’ve been incorporating glutes/arms/abs and it is FUN.
- Eating too little/not varying food. My food passion and foodie brain would urge anyone to eat a huge variety of food. I mean, LOOK at all the food our Father gave us! There are nearly 2000 edible fruits created solely by God… He put them here for our consumption! Our physical bodies require all sorts of variation and nutrients to thrive at their best for a reason and it’s His reason. But me… my eating disorder of late often prevents me from eating much besides lean chicken, carrots and cucumber, organic peanut butter, oats, berries and banana, goat yogurt… I mean this is certainly not my disorder at its worst but saying that “it’s normal/okay to have bad days” is something I am in prayer about never saying again. I will not give the devil that sort of power.
- Splenda and Coffee. When I was little, I hated water. I drank orange juice. When I was really sick, water was the main thing I consumed. Cora’s, the breakfast restaurant I work at, has such delicious coffee and it’s free and zero calories when just Splenda is added so my taste buds, and eating disorder, and energy levels, love it. It prevents me from drinking enough water and obviously the coffee dehydrates me– plus I am against Splenda for many reasons as it is man made crap and am prayerfully cutting it out.
- Again, the variety in eating. This is a mentality that AFFECTS my physicality, and not vice versa. The more I understand and know my Lord the more I learn that He is truly capable of all things, including fully conquering my Ed so that I am fully living for Him. Cooking and eating as per my passion (I am OBSESSED with MasterChef Canada, who else watches? Who else LOVES every single person in Top 4? Who else thinks they’re rooting for Mary? No… Matthew? No Jeremy? No… Veronica? Anyway, I think that’s my order… except Mary, Matthew, and Jeremy are veeeery close, although I love Veronica too. Decisiveness is not a strong suit of mine). Where was I? OH, cooking. Yah, I literally take notes while I watch it and learn so much. It is incredible and while I’m confident I’ll be able to pursue this passion as I grow in Christ, I want to be able to in a way that also honours my passion for making whole, “God-derived” foods into complex deliciousness.
- I forever belong to Jesus Christ and more importantly am a temple of His Holy Ghost. He blessed me with a love for/desire to know Him at a young age and I know that “first striving for the Kingdom” means my LIFE is Christ’s, and thus, everything I do I pray His Spirit takes over. The most prominent thing He is revealing to me recently is that saying that we cannot fully abide by the Spirit is the same thing as saying HE is not fully capable of dwelling in us… which is clearly not true, seeing as He is capable of all things.
I started feeling sick a few nights ago, anyway, and was burning up with a higher fever and worse migraine than I ever recall having. I couldn’t stop crying and my mom was just holding me! I couldn’t sleep, was dwelling in the pain, and after a few hours felt like an idiot and thought, WOW, well obviously I can pray for healing and talk to God about this, He is right here. Immediately I felt His arms and began praying, for healing in His name and by His will, for closer for relationship with Him and laying down my faults. I fell asleep quickly then.
The next morning I was determined to show up for my shift as I have never called in sick to work and never plan to. I texted my manager and asked if I could manage the food pass so I didn’t have to run around in case I was lightheaded and she said that would of course be fine. But this was still challenging as we had a hostess not show up and an extremely busy day, and I had 12 chits on my side at one point, trying to keep my cool. I’m the middle of the rush I knew I was going to be sick and ran to the bathroom. My co workers were incredibly caring, ensuring me the floor was okay and they would handle it, but I know what these shifts are like and that they were all bull rapping me and I worked another half hour before going home.
My fever rose all day and I spent time in the Word. I felt so antsy to work out and had so many urges to get up and run but knew that I of course didn’t have the energy. Instead, the more time I spent with my Saviour the more I grew, SO much. And this weekend of “my worst nightmare” turned into a time the Lord utilized so much to show me His love and that He is all that I need.
That time with Him and that time alone has made my desire for Splenda (which causes me nothing but stomachaches) seem crazy, my need to eat so stringently each day seem like the disorder it is, and any amount of time spent in line with anything but Christ seen for who the devil is.
He is capable of all things! And no matter the day, no matter the physical or earthly circumstance, “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
Do you need some alone time with God? Always! We all do. Welcome His stirring.