So today a lot of my rantings are based off a gorgeous friend in my life named Haylie.
Haylie and I met in third grade, and she always stood out to me. As being uniquely thoughtful, selfless, and caring. We grew apart when I changed schools, and started talking again in eighth grade when we were invited to the movies by a mutual friend. I will never forget Haylie messaging me, asking if I was comfortable with the people we were going with and wanting to make sure I was happy.
Haylie’s faith has always been important to her, but it’s only been in the past few weeks that I, at least, have seen the Spirit literally, like extremely evidently glowing in her. He is doing incredible things in her life, taking her to a place of service and a mindset that is living for Him, and MAN, it has been unreal to witness. She has always been one of those people that is just simply angelic in her kindness, but I now relate to her more than ever before, and a lot of that I think is both of us being much more open and aware to the Spirit that has been working in us forever. So so cool.
So Haylie challenged me beautifully today to not eating sweet potatoes or oatmeal. To recognizing that it’s probably disordered to eat so similarly every day and to really and truly challenge my disorder. I prayed about the day and gave it all up to the King. And my study this morning was in Luke, about never judging others.
Haylie and I got a late breakfast at Cora’s, the place I work. I got an egg white omelet with goat cheese, mushrooms, and spinach, and big side of fruit.
I ate everything on my plate except the toast. I have not eaten anything but oatmeal from my work in ages and ages.
After one of the most glorifying, good, authentic and Christ-righteous conversations I’ve had in a long time (Haylie, man you are so loved!), Krystal kindly drove me to the Starbucks I’ve applied to, Haylie accompanying us, and I handed in resumes and met with managers. I felt most confident about the mini interview at the one right by my school, which would obviously be ideal! I’m preparing other resumes to hand out for waitressing or another barista position too, so I have a backup. Having Haylie and Krystal in the car was a blessing, and I even ran into one of my pastors, whose first baby was just born and just that quick run in lifted my spirits. He’s a fantastic guy.
By the time I got home, it was after 4 and I was notably hungry! All that sounded good was carrots with peanut butter, so I had a plateful whilst catching up on my favourite blogs and online course.
Krystal asked me to cover the second half of her babysitting for two young girls that are hilarious and precious and it was a great end to my night, but I was sure to have a snack beforehand. Now Haylie… You’re going to hate me, but I had oatmeal. BUT listen carefully, I had a small bowl with cacao, peanut butter, and cherries and it was literally all I wanted and was really hungry and it filled me so perfectly. Maybe this is an issue… and maybe it isn’t? In my head I was like, I could just have the cherries with peanut butter, but then that would be restricting and that’s not good either? So I should have the oatmeal because I want it right? But it’s not normal to be constantly eating the same thing… Man. I have a lot of praying to do and wouldn’t have thought twice about this oatmeal if it weren’t this special day… I do think it’s saying something that I couldn’t even go a day without having it. It’s definitely a safe food, and that’s no good.
So I went and babysat the girls. MAN kids can be so enlivening… I really feel called to them. I worry when I see parents bring kids to restaurants and stare at their screens rather than talking with their children, and that makes me worry even more about my generation having kids. I have already promised myself to NEVER lose sight of precious time with my own children one day, and the parents of these girls are incredible examples of that. They watch just half an hour of TV each day but most of the time don’t even want to, because they’re too busy having really normal 8 and 4 year old fun, outdoors on their bikes, doing cartwheels, jumping on the trampoline. I had so much fun singing songs with them and laughing with them and reading to them. Such a blessing.
It was late when I got home and I didn’t feel too hungry, but couldn’t skip dinner of course, so I had a few slices of turkey and a ton ton ton of carrots with peanut butter and few dates. So simple but so delicious and one of my favourite meals.
So, I ate oatmeal today. And I don’t know what that says about my disorder. It certainly wasn’t the focus of my day. I’m full right now. The Lord definitely helped me to challenge other thoughts. I feel I ate what I wanted to but honestly just don’t want to focus on it… because look at this. I was MUCH more focused on the beautiful blessings of today than what I ate. I enjoyed my day. Food was a minor blessing. It becomes more that way every day.
And man, at the end of each one all I can say no matter what has happened is God is good.