Today I got a letter in the mail from my university. This time last year I got a similar letter about a retreat that I’m meant to go to at the beginning of each year of my undergrad program.
Last year, I was so excited and prayerful. I remember feeling so that I was headed in the right direction. Little did I know that that direction was fullness in the Holy Spirit, not necessarily my program at Laurier.
The Spirit did this work in me having no relation to my program or classes. He worked through many people I am blessed to know and certainly some of the classes and then simply His Word to draw my heart to Him, but now as I pray and focus all my attention on His love and grace, leading to true relationship with Him, I know and am more blessed than any other possible blessing to be sealed in His love forever. Knowing that I am only growing to know my Lord and King is a forever thing, but there are certainly stumbling blocks utilized by the enemy, and this has left me with a sick, almost scary feeling about returning to my program next year.
So much that goes on at the seminary in my school is “multi faith,” a word that shouldn’t even be a word. I adore that the courses are open to all, but in so many of them the Spirit is not the one being glorified, welcomed, or facilitating, and this is something I’ve really had to pray about. In talking to so many mentors whose hearts are the Lord’s, I want to make the choice through His Holy Spirit that I am subjecting myself only to His goodness and Truth in my education. Thus, the seminary is a place that in many ways makes me feel uneasy. I think of my opa, who attended for years and years studying and praying and growing in the Lord diligently, moving on to serve on the seminary’s board, and I get a false sense of peace. I know that I NEED at this point more valid and fruitful teaching especially if I am to become a pastor, a call that I still feel is all that’s on my heart– I just have a long but exciting way to go.
So what does this year look like? I know all it can be is growth growth growth in JESUS– meeting Him each day and praying on His will. Growing with my roommates and fellow Christian Studies students who I don’t know what I’d do without. Taking a lot of English courses and carrying out that calling in finishing my list of classic lit. Supporting my wonderful boyfriend as he follows a new calling.
Or… perhaps totally different. All I know is JESUS. More of Him and knowing Him, trusting Him, recognizing and holding myself accountable to His name and my duty and His servant to lift His name high, desiring more and more only His life giving Spirit and allowing Him to take over.
His plan never fails, and I rejoice in it. The future can often be daunting, but not nearly when the goal is not me or my stresses but only my Lord and His Kingdom come.