MOTIVATION MONDAY: Slowly Drifting

I remember when I was little, when we went to my cottage, my momma used to take us out in little floaty rafts onto the lake and would talk about how we were drifting over the waves. I always loved that word, drifting, because of it.

Years later, I was maybe eight or nine, and I remember hearing my pastor use the word in a negative context. That the world can cause us to drift from the Lord and His ONLY, FIRST, EVERY place in our lives. That was the first time I realized that “drifting” might be a bad thing. At the time, I was confident in my God. I knew that His love and Grace had nothing to do with me, and I knew all of this through Christ alone. I was His servant and desired only His will for my life. I couldn’t envision myself drifting.

But drift I did, and, I realize, we only drift when something is pulling or pushing us. There is a force. The enemy used various tools to wrap me up and remove me from the joy of my God. I certainly drifted. But now that I have been through that period of drift AWAY, the drift BACK to Christ, HIM being the force, is more in line with the positive drifting over the lake at my cottage; according to His will and Spirit. The un fathomable Truth is that He was with me just as equally throughout my drift “away,–” He never left my side. His waves were still under me. But when He steered me back in alignment with His Love, I recognized that I was not along for the ride, but only and solely a tool for His use, a temple that He might work through. My, our, purpose, and may I delight in it only more.

IMG_9190
It’s a big world; there’s a lot out there beyond the thoughts in my disordered mind.

I loove going for runs, which I think is another way to look at this concept of drifting. When I was younger, I hated running, mostly because I thought I was really bad at it. When I was diagnosed with my eating disorder, I spent so much time running, the entire time weak, faint, and thinking about how many calories I was burning. Now, when I run, I drift. Sometimes it’s simply prayerful; sometimes it’s rejoicing in the blessing of movement of my body. But I find myself more and more just expectant of what God wants to accomplish through all my physical activity, knowing that none of that involves disordered thoughts, and I just pray that it is nothing compulsive or self-fulfilling but rather healthy, fun, and pleasing to He who created me.

I pray that He is the force that causes all of our drifting– therefore there is no self gain, no disordered thoughts– only the Divine.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s