faith, freedom, food
faith, freedom, food
My hands are no longer in beautiful shape 24/7, my ring is starting to feel as if it’s been on my finger forever, and “wedding talk” is becoming a necessary segment of every catch-up and conversation. And while all of this is so exciting, and […]
Hi Friends! I am currently surviving off coffee after one of the most exciting/emotional/crazy weekends of my life. Full post on that pending… Today, however, I am excited to share with you the most well-edited and concise version of my testimony ever published. I am […]
Dear Maddie, You’ve heard it before. But when I met you, literally from the moment I saw you, I remember thinking, consciously, “I want to be that girl’s friend.” Little did I know, less than a week later, I would share more of my soul […]
You look healthy. It tops the list of things NOT to say to a recovering/recovered/suffering person with an eating disorder. While, to most, this is a compliment; a good thing; the mental illness that is an eating disorder is a pro at twisting positive things […]
This met me in my brokenness, in my deepest questioning, and in confusion, with hard Truth that I needed to hear. Take the time to sit with this and listen. Take notes. Let God speak to you through it. I promise it will be a […]
“What do you do?” The very well-mannered, very put-together business woman running the networking event I attended a few days ago asked me with a truly genuine smile and caring eyes.
“I’m a writer,” I said. And even though that is true now of my profession, it feels less true than ever.
You see, I think the transition to adulthood is accompanied by many major changes. Some of them sneak up on us without our permission. Others, we always knew were impending, but didn’t think would actually come to fruition.
One of these changes I am only recently becoming more in touch with is that of my childlike instincts. The nature of trust that I used to have in not only those around me, but my own gut, has changed. An ever-loud world has tested me and questioned me and challenged me, and I know that we all experience the pressures of this reality. The voices of marketing, of peers, of family, of friends, of professors, of businesses, of co-workers and bosses… each of these voices can influence us into believing that something about us should be altered.
But recently, I’ve become more in touch with some of the influenced changes that I believe have been negative, one of them being my creative writing instincts.
I used to sit down and write pages and pages of prose or fiction, no problem. The ideas would flow. I would adopt the voice of a 15-year-old boy struggling with his identity and tell his story. I would spin a tale about an old woman with dementia who had just lost her husband and was reflecting on a life with little meaning, developing this character with unapologetic focus.
I used to hold fast to a quotation by Benjamin Franklin. “Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing.” What a way to think about how I spend my time as a writer, who is also a Christian!
But, as time, technology, and “voices” – plus my own inner critic – have weathered me, I know that I am less inclined to take the time to really write, to flesh out stories and characters, and to focus.
I want to change these things.
I want to finish the book I started when I was fourteen that stands at 156 pages and has about 156 to go. I yearn to recapture the child in me who finished novels in the wee hours of the night and highlighted prose to compare it to the syntax of her own stories.
Most importantly, I have deep, deep desire to want these again– more than I want the approval of the world, and more than I want to give in to the secret sins of my life, and more than I want things I’m not called to.
I know that I am a writer. It’s time to discover what that means again.
Good Wednesday! It’s been a while since I’ve had even a moment to update you here, but today I am finally able to sit down and write a bit about something that has been on my heart to share for some time: Multiple Streams of […]
Here’s what they don’t tell you about eating disorders: They’re usually pretty innocent at first. An endeavour to “be healthier.” When my restrictive illness first developed when I was fifteen, I never would have considered that I might still be terrified of white flour and […]
In storybooks and seasons past, “Church” is seen as a service to attend for one boring hour on Sunday mornings in order to “keep right” with a distant God who might otherwise look sourly at us from His lofty place above.
I think, when Christian beliefs are not openly talked about, it is common to have this notion. It is common, even, for this notion to carry us through to our adulthood, as we go through the motions of “church” without ever really realizing why. Worse, while doing so because “our parents did,” or “to keep our place in Heaven.”
I am extremely open in all areas of my life about faith, and the reasons I go to church. If your notion of church-going has ever been as bleak as the one above, I would encourage you to think about the very Truth that lead me to a life surrendered to God in the first place.
It was a nagging question I had when I was nine years old.
I couldn’t stop thinking about death.
If I could somehow transport myself 100 years in the future, I thought, I would be dead. And life would go on. So there is no way the purpose of this life can be about ME, or serving myself, or catering to my temporary lusts. There is more.
My 21-year-old brain has definitely filled in some loftier language here, but you get the idea.
This thought led to a long season of entrenched soul-searching, at the end of which I was wholly convinced that Jesus Christ was the purpose of my life, of all lives, and that eternity with Him, for HIS glory and not my own, was a prize worth knowing. Meeting Him myself and falling in love with Him; His perfect, selfless way of loving; His beauty; His servanthood and godliness; His non-judgement and His Words; His lovingkindness, patience; then, understanding His wrath, and how deserving I am of it, but that it’s only Jesus that could save my soul… understanding my soul’s NEED for saving… it was this “fear of the Lord that was the beginning of all wisdom,” as the Proverb says.
Wisdom, that led to joy that wasn’t fleeting, but eternal.
And so, my friend, church isn’t an hour on a Sunday morning to sing songs about a foreign being. It’s a supplement to a LIFE that we’re called to in FULL SUBMISSION to the God who created us, who died for each one of us, and who we will all meet face to face one day. Who says He gives His Spirit in full to those who believe and ask Him.
It is my belief in these things that causes me to live moment by moment in grasping, anguishing need for my Father God. For every ounce of purpose, Life, wisdom, strength, and compassion.
Are you searching for purpose? What questions do you have? How have your views of what “church” is shaped your views of God? How might you go about finding the actual facts about these things, in order to live a life that is more aligned with the Truth?
Looking back, it was one of those mornings in which I debated my outfit. Dress up or dress down? Was the work I had to do today conducive to feeling put together and stylish, or did comfort trump all? Yes, for some reason, I think […]
Happy Wednesday my friends! A couple weekends ago, one of the last weekends of August, marked big changes in my life: it was the last weekend before Johnny moves to Winnipeg for the last time EVER, timed perfectly with our engagement party, hosted by one […]
A couple weeks ago, I came across an exercise online that someone had shared had really shifted their thinking.
The person relented that they wanted to know what their 10-year-old self, AND their self IN 10 years, would think of the way their present self was living.
For me, that means: what would 10-year-old Cassie think of 21-year-old Cassie?
What do I WANT 31-year-old Cassie to think of and remember about 21-year-old Cassie?
Thinking about these things has absolutely been mind-shifting, and I would encourage you to do the same.
First: 10-year-old Cassie.
She loved Harry Potter and all things fiction, drama, and faith-related. She had grown a deepening interest in and relationship with God, and had transitioned from dreaming of being a child actress to feeling a calling to church ministry.
She had not yet developed any negative or disordered relationship with food, knowing nothing about it but that she enjoyed it. She didn’t think about or plan food between meals, but ate what was in front of her, though was quite picky.
She didn’t have any care in the world for social media platforms, her physical image, or the way others perceived her. In fact, I specifically remember 8-year-old Cassie standing on her chair during lunch, proclaiming to her class that she has a crush on a boy named Jin because “looks don’t matter.”
31-year-old Cassie. What do I hope she is like?
I hope that she is as far away from disordered eating as one could be.
I pray that she has more love in her heart, and spends less time in front of screens.
I hope that she is consumed with love for her husband, and their children. I hope that she feels confident in her job, and that she prioritizes actively helping others.
I hope that prayer is deeply intertwined with how she lives her life. I hope that she is more well-versed in theology, the Bible, and has read The Lord of the Rings.
I hope that she is a better chef, and has established fun and quirky traditions with her family.
I hope that she is in touch with, and frequently sees, all her beautiful, unmatchable friends; her incredible parents; her sisters, in-laws, and extended family.
I hope that she didn’t waste time taking things too seriously, or worrying that she was “behind” in life. I hope she didn’t waste time worrying about spending money on a dinner or two out with friends.
….
Alllllll right, 21-year-old Cass. Where are we at?
Naturally….. the things I mentioned 10-year-old Cassie lacking– and the things I HOPE 31-year-old Cassie lacks– are some of the things I am convicted that 21-year-old Cassie deals with.
So, instead of consuming myself with worries about money and my job, I’m going to think more about my loved ones and my community.
Instead of spending free time on my phone, I want to stop the scroll for a moment of conversation with my God.
Instead of allowing old disordered habits to sneak into my mind, I want to relinquish every thought to Jesus, and build deep roots in His Word, and in His Truth about those thoughts.
Okay, Friend. It’s your turn.
What does 10-year-old you think of you now?
What do you hope you IN 10 years looks back on about you now?
…I have learned that I struggle. I know that God knows that I love a good story. A self-titled (and, now, professionally titled) writer since I was eight years old, I see everything in life in stories. A good storyline complete with metaphors and compelling […]
