There is hypocrisy involved in being judgmental and demanding a strict account of others. This attitude denotes a failure to see one’s own need for mercy and forgiveness. –Anna Case-Winters on Matthew 7:1-5

This weekend, at Thanksgiving dinner, my dear friend and sister in Christ Kathryn took a leap of faith and revealed to her whole family the eating disorder she had been struggling with. 
And the past week or so, I revealed similiar to my family, some friends, and Johnny. That my struggles recently have not been little ones, but in fact a relapse. I hit my lowest weight ever a few days ago; fainted last week; am losing hair again. 
And I recognize every bit of it this time. And this time I am pissed at the devil. 
And I am holding myself accountable, and asking the same of my brothers and sisters. Knowing that when I need encouragement and assurance in Spirit, I have incredible people surrounding me. 

the balance though

Knowing that the extreme hunger I’m experiencing is important, and normal. Knowing that my life is the Lord’s and for the Lord and that recovery means a body and mind and spirit only more capable of His fulfillment. And this is the ultimate motivation for health.

This week is reading week, and there is much I want to accomplish. I also feel the need to take it easy– I’m working every day this week on top of homework, and want to spend time with friends and loved ones! My 19th birthday is around the corner and if I cannot have a few beers because I’m consumed by the fear of calories, that is not ok. 
Lord, may you intercede in my life that I might be more like you.
This past weekend was Daniella’s boyfriend, Michael’s, 19th. 
Daniella is such a light in my life. I open up to her inherently, and we have a relationship like I can’t explain. I am thankful for her presence, among many other friends and people in my life. 

This one makes my heart melt 2108 km away. He is my person. He’s been so patient and solid with the past few months of this illness. And ultimately he loves Jesus and wants to know our King better every day more than anything. I am thankful for his love.

My current living family consists primarily of these two and my gosh, I couldn’t dream up more incredible roommates. I am thankful for their grace.

Recently the Lord has used my loving situation for so much good in every relationship with my family. My dad and I have had longer, deeper, and truer conversations than ever in my life. My mom and I are mending the anger the devil drilled into me leftover from my recovery toward her. My little sister and I are closer than ever, and my older one is confiding in me like never before. I am thankful for such a beautiful family.

I am thankful for a dream job that I love and feel so called to with incredible people and friends. 

I am thankful for almond butter and the easy access to it and so many other great, non-hmm, organic products through Natural Is Smarter. Do not forget to check them out, and feel free to use my discount code CASSIE!!

I am thankful to know that recovery provides clarity, energy, and joy more like this. Lack of food physically takes a huge toll on mental energy and clarity and fun and quality of life. Not to mention the submission to the enemy through the disorder. But He had overcome, and I am holding myself accountable to becoming free in the life He’s inviting me to every second. 

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1 Comment

  1. Oh Cass, thank you for your vulnerability always. I see so much of myself in you when I was your age… still do too. You are such a strong girl, mature beyond your years, and so honest with yourself too. I admire you immensely and truly am praying for you as you face this demon each and every day. Sending you love, hun <3

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