“Excuse me, miss.”
“I like to give credit where credit is due, and you’re gorgeous. I saw from over there and I had to come tell you. Didn’t want the opportunity to pass. Have a great day.”
A boy maybe in his early 20s approached me saying this. I was waiting at the bus stop. I left Johnny’s early this morning wearing the outfit I had planned to wear yesterday that Ed told me I looked “fat” in. My hair needed to be washed, my make-up was old, and it was almost 2pm and I hadn’t eaten besides a tin of Starbucks oatmeal because, like Ed said, “I was too fat.” It had been a beautiful morning with Laura until those voices set in but the Lord spoke much louder.
And this boy reminded me a few things.
1. There is never harm in going out of your way to make a person’s day. I have to tell you, I was truly flattered. He saw me from a distance and had the thought that I was “gorgeous,” a big enough thought that he went out of his way to bring it to my attention. It was this act of genuineness that I so needed.
2. Outer beauty doesn’t mean a thing. At that moment, the Lord had been glowing in me as I prayed and sought His will and lifted my Spirit to Him. And I know the Lord’s beauty is what he saw. Praise God!
3. Ed’s voices are meaningless. When he tells me I look fat, I don’t. I know my weight is on the low side of normal. I know I want to be able to work out so I can acquire lean muscle and be stronger. I know listening to him actually makes all of that less possible, and I know that because God is good– and I listened to Ed for seven years and he got me nowhere fast.
I am so boastful in my weakness as a human being so that I can display my pride in my Lord and Saviour alone. Something Ryan said last night really stuck in my Spirit:
“Decreasing the human element so that the Holy Spirit can increase.”
Something along those lines. It’s just so good.
Similarly to all this, I want to talk about my oatmeal safety.
The number of days I haven’t had oatmeal for breakfast in the past few years is very slim. But do I freak out completely if I need to have something else? No. And in fact, my eating disorder truly gets mad at me when I DO eat this repetitively. He says I should be eating something more like black beans as my “starch,” (not even a starch what the fudge Ed) because they have less fat (by 2.5g lol), but i don’t like black beans. I like oatmeal– I would say it’s one of my five favourite foods. Maybe I’m more recovered in this sense than I think… But if I’m making oatmeal for dinner instead of eating what my mom prepares, that’s an issue. But lately, I’ve been sticking to chicken breast and baby potatoes.
Tonight Daniella’s sleeping over and we’re going to the gym, getting dairy free ice cream and watching movies like the old days. I am so blessed by this woman as without ever having an eating disorder she has put so much care and empathy into understanding it and is someone I can truly be myself around. God has blessed me with many people in my life like this, and I know that He has done good things in these friendships and will continue to.
The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not want.